The legacy that I want to leave behind is the transmittable kind- you know how when you meet some people, you leave different than before you met them? Yeah, I aspire to be someone who not only changes the atmosphere in a positive way, but also someone that empowers others to do the same as I listen to them with love, live authentically, and share hope & light with them.
Where did this idea come from? For me, it’s not just a daily writing prompt. Somehow deep down I knew that I always wanted to be an agent of change. For a longer time in my life, I seemed to change atmospheres without intentionally doing so and then some pretty difficult things happened, so I stopped. I started hiding, but more like shrinking.
As a little girl, I used to love going to school to learn. I somehow had a lot of acquaintances but not a whole lot of close “friends”. It wasn’t because of what others were doing, but more about what I wasn’t doing. I had learned pretty early on that I was “too much” for many people, and I internalized this belief, which resulted in my stopping people from getting close to me. Of course, there were those few who made it through my steel wall anyway, and I’ll always be grateful for them, but I’ve missed out on a myriad of growth opportunities because of the fear of being told I was “too much”. Sound familiar? Most likely if it’s not you, there is someone in the room, office, or the same house with you who has dealt with the experience of “being too much” too.
I was often misunderstood as a child and couldn’t fathom how people could treat each other such a way- like who determines someone is too much? In other words, what are the metrics they are using? Is it because they feel inadequate around your light? Was it because they were experiencing what the young people call secondhand embarrassment? Was it because they couldn’t stand not being in the limelight? Who knows. I may never know. What I do know, is that I learned a lie, believed a lie, and then lived a lie.
I lived like this well into my 20s. It wasn’t until I became so uncomfortable living anything other than my own truth and after many pitfalls, that I decided I would not continue to live this way. I wasn’t happy. I was exhausted. I felt like a fraud, so I began the process of healing which meant that I had to unlearn some things once I recognized them. This process of replacing the lies with truth was one that was difficult. It required me to get used to me. I often tell patients and others alike that you can always get away from everyone else, but at the end of the day the person you’re stuck with is you. If you’re stuck with you, you might as well be someone you like.
I say all this to say that the legacy I desire to live is one that is best described as a change agent, shows up authentically with love and light while allowing and empowering others to do the same. I hope that as you read this you feel inspired and motivated to learn to like you for all that you are as you show up authentically. When we do show up as our authentic selves, we will never be “too much” for the right people.
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