What if we started acknowledging that children HAVE feelings instead of dismissing or invalidating them because our experience of that moment is different? Would society look different? I think so.
Acknowledging that children have big feelings is the key to creating adults with emotional intelligence, or EQ. That’s right, I said it. I believe that many adults have been told as children that our feelings were not real. Imagine the level of self-advocacy that might occur if we were able to acknowledge our own feelings and if our feelings were validated as children by the adults we admired and loved most.
Children either internalize or externalize their feelings. Internalizing their feelings means they shut down when they have feelings. Externalizing means they experience their feelings and display some sort of behavior as a result of those feelings. Imagine telling a child not to feel something. Actually, this is what lots of children hear every day. It goes something like this:
Child: “I’m bored. I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this.“
Adult: “You’re not bored. You just got here. Pay attention”.
Child: (a little louder now) “I want to go home!”
Adult: (exasperated) “No you don’t. Sit down!”
See, this is an example of how we inadvertently invalidate a child’s feelings and teach them not to trust their own voice or feelings. Instead we might consider this approach:
Child: “I’m bored. I don’t want to be here”
Adult: “I know you’re bored and you don’t want to be here but this is important”.
See how this validated their feelings? Which dialogue supports an air of confidence, self- awareness, and ability to sit in discomfort? The second one, that’s right. Let’s give this a try. Children with emotional intelligence grow up to be adults with emotional intelligence.
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